~The Story of Gregory and Grace~

Friday, July 18, 2008

The day started of with me receiving a call at 8 plus am, to attend the conference, standing in for Roy as he was not around in camp. As usual, rushed like hell... Run like a mad guy towards the conference room. It was regarding the Creative Day... TODAY IS CREATIVE DAY!!! I totally lost count of my schedule... -_-" Didn't even realise that I was suppose to be leading my team till last minute.. Hectic kick-start of the day... Anyway, I didn't sleep well last night... Some things were bothering me... my mind was empty...

Tonight was the my night. Its the Happy Hour for July '08. One of the main event was the 9-Ball Pool Championship, featuring Sing Wei and I, the last two man standing. Right from the start of the first game, I screwed up everything... The mood's not right... I wasn't putting in any effort to play it... I lost the whole game even before I knew it.. However, displaying sportsmanship spirit, I congratulate Sing Wei on being crowned the Champion of LC... I could only be the 1st runner up in LC.... anyway, it didn't really bother me much... really...

I called up her right after the game, talked for a while, hung up and then I just sat right there for like whole 10 minutes, once again, mind was blank... that kinda feeling really sucks... So unrealistic... so unnatural... so uncomfortable...

I've been thinking alot alot these few days since I came back from Singapore... I try not to let my emotion cross the line, I simply hide things to myself, carry on working as usual... maybe I'm trying to escape reality? Or could it be I'm just ignorant and don't know what to do? I really had no idea... Happy Hour ended and I went back for a shower... still brainstorming on what's going on in me... I have the problem, yet I have no solution to it at all... =x Called GR up and talk to him bout it, talked for quite some time... I derived at what should be done... He didn't tell me much either... just some casual comments... he couldn't help me at all either... Sigh...

I really didn't expect this to happen.... yet it did... running away was no solution, I have to face it all eventually... anyway I'm away from Singapore, I'm all alone... Except my two damn close buddy here in Brunei... =)

My conclusion was at such:

Would it damage me more if I chose to keep mum and nothing gets done, or would it hurt more if I were to speak it up and things turn ugly?? Will I regret at the end of the day??

Contradicting huh?? I feels that way too.. after much consideration, I've decided to speak it up... If it turns out unfavourable for me, at least I've pour out my heart, rather then to keep mum and then regret for the rest of my life. I'm not gonna bother on how people are gonna talk behind my back... Not gonna care how people looks on me... All I know is that I don't wanna regret at all, not at all!!

Time was 11.50pm when I started talking to Gerald as well as Roy. We all have our own problems... we talked bout our problems, our worries... Roy's case was worse then mine... yet mine isn't any better either. We are both EGO at hearts and are not willing to open up ourselves to the problem. Gerald was rather supportive... Gave alot of advice to both of us... At the end of the conversation, Roy has decided to re-submit his extension of tour... as for me, I am a little more clear about what I want, and how to go about expressing it.

Gerald's words strike me, 'Bee Bee, If you're gonna remain at the same spot where you are now, you'll never move on...'

I'm really happy that I've met Roy and Gerald over here... we're like one family, more then friends... we love each another, we care for each another.. When one is down, the other two will put in the effort to cheep him up, drink with him... I'm really thankful to have them around me... They made my LONELY world over in Borneo totally changed.... from what used to be in black and white, to how colourful it is now...

Thanks Roy, Thanks Gerald...

Time is now 4.29am, 18th July 2008... I've come up to my office to update my blog... I couldn't sleep anyway... Roy and Gerald were fast asleep.... I couldn't bear to wake them up... I needed to be alone anyway... So here I am... updating post... checking mails... I can't go any further, I need to start thinking again... I have to! I must!

Good night to everyone, those back in Singapore as well as fellow colleagues... Rest well...

p.s: When the whole world denies you, I'll still be standing firm right beside... just turn around and look at me, you'll find that the earth we're standing on is still rotating...
I don't wanna miss a thing....
I hope you too wouldn't....
~Jun Tai~

PiNky sOtoNg 7/18/2008 03:56:00 AM