~The Story of Gregory and Grace~

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Its been almost 4 months plus since I left my laopo, friends, and family..
Initially had no plans to return to Singapore.. However, I know that Laopo
needs me alot, especially when she's undergoing so much stress, struggling her
studies, work, and our relationship at the same time. Its been hard on her,
and I'm obliged to do something for her.

I love her alot, and she loves me too. Nothing would beat being able to hug her,
close to me and feeling each other's heart pounding as the clock ticks away..
This time round, for the first time, both of us knows clearly how hard it is to
maintain a long distance relationship, and how terrible it feels to not have
one another being physically around. I regret, for a mistake that I've made,
cost the both of us to suffer horribly. My decision to extend my tour was totally
wrong..

Not too late yet.. I've withdrawn my extension, the application has been approved
by my commander, direct superior, and supported by many of the warm stuffs
around in my camp. Thanks to all these people for encouraging me.. I'm giving up
on the amount of money that i could have earned, in exchane for our happiness..
I hope this time the choice I made is right... and would put an end to our sufferings.
Official email has been sent back to Singapore side, awaiting for their arrangement
and ro find a replacement. No results yet. However, My CO gauranteed me, that
something will be done, and he will push for my earliest possible opportunity to
end my tour.

Laopo's sick, I'm worried... running a mild fever at 37.3*C, sore throat, ear pain,
running nose. Yet still insist on working... after my tries to persuade her comes
to no avail, the only thing I could do was to tell her to Jiayou, and take care of
herself. I kinda feel that I'm useless, my Laopo's ill and there's nothing I'm
capable of to ease her pain. I cant even be there to hold her, keep her warm and
make her herbal tea. I cant even do a simple task, such as placing my hand on
her forehead to feel her body temperature. I'm a failure, for the first time in my
life, I feel so bad, so guilty..

It's 4.17am right now, date 14/05/2009. I'm still wide awake.. I just cant get to sleep.
The moment I close my eyes, laopo's image would appear crying, asking me to
hold her close... I cant bear to see that... I really cant..

Its about ten days from now before I touched down in Sg to spend quality time
with her.. as promised... I'm coming back to accompany laopo. Though number
of days that I'd be around with her is not long, I hope my effort doesnt goes
unnoticed... Wish that every moment spent with laopo, would be treasured and
appreciated... I've book air tix for us to fly over to Bangkok for a short vacation.
Hopefully, she'll be able to enjoy herself, and get away from her busy routine.

Laopo's been rather upset recently.. all because of a sinful me. I just cant seem to
understand her a lil more.. whats going on in me? Why just cant I spend a lil more
thought for her? Hmm... after days of self blaming and thinking, I'm finally able to
and WILL understand her current situation. Each day, I'll just sms her, reminding
her to take care of herself, take her meals and drink more water. Whether she reply
or not, doesn't matter much anymore. All i know is, she's able to read my sms, and
knows I'm somewhere caring bout her. I appreciate that even though she's tired,
she's spend sometime to msn with me, video cam, so that I'm able to see her. Even
if that's just a short few minutes, better then nothing... =)

I didn't dare call her when she's in the library, afraid of disturbing her studies...
I didn't dare call her when she's working, afraid that I'd get her into trouble...
I didn't really dare call her, afraid that she'll find me a nuisance if I call too much..

I promised her that whenever I'm around, I'll carry her handbag for her..
I promised her that I'll move on and not feel so moody...
I promised her that I'll kiss her even when we're just riding on the escalator..
I promised her that I'll hug her even when we're out in public..
I promised her that I'll not throw my temper at her ever again...
I promised her that I'll be back asap...
I promised her that I'll never do things that's gonna hurt myself again..

Promises.... are not meant to be broken... but to be kept...

I remember every single thing I've promised her before.. Because I love her so
much... that words can no longer describe. For laopo, I'm willing to do whatever it
takes, just to put a simple smile on her. I'm ready to sacrifice if I need to.. As long
as laopo's happy. I'm ready to take care of her for the rest of her life... until the day
she's gone, then am I allowed to die, because I wouldnt want her to be the one taking
care of me instead.

Ng Jun Tai... from today onwards, you'll have to prove that your love for Laopo is
real... Show her that you love her truthfully, faithfully, sincerely, wholeheartedly,
deeply, and its from the inside... Not just saying...

End of the day, who knows what will happen? It was all because of my one stupid,
damn wrong decision made, that has lead to laopo suffering without me around her.
I'm done with one word right now...

REGRET...

ps. I don't know when will u see this, but Laopo, you were right.. I wasn't
understanding enough.. I will from now on. All in all, we love one another, that's
why we're upset when we quarrelled. I'm sorry, for the tears I've made u cried..
will you forgive me, and await my return to reunite with u, probably for the rest
of our lives? Let us move on from where we are now and be find the happiness that
we once used to share.. I want you to know that, the only thing that I did right,

was choosing to love you...

<3> || I Love You... Love me too.. || <3>

PiNky sOtoNg 5/14/2009 04:01:00 AM